Random Ramblings

I read this somewhere and it struck the chords within me:

Ek muddat hui tum yaad na aaye
Aur tumhe bhool gaye hum aisa bhi nahi!

Don't know why today as it snowed when instead azure sky should've been there to shelter us...I felt inexplicable uncertainty and ambiguity in my heart...not the kinda I apprehended... Or not scary at all....(am not a visionary!).. But it stirred something in me..not that I experience usually....
Life doesn't go as we plan..don't we all know it,yet each time we plan...and of course Isnain knows about my whims...world tour etc etc...but as I say eventually everything connects we remember each other in all embodiments of madness or serious contemplation...we arrived from divergent portals and met at a junction which was much needed...may be to cheer each other for dreaming impossible.... And I realised that is a skill too..not all can dream amidst the reality of uncertainty.... And I believe knowing you got others who also think rather dream in alike manner is  blessing in itself...and today am thankful for that....and in spite of such ambiguity there are some innate laws...uncertainty doesn't lasts long....you can cut the flowers but you can't keep the spring from coming...!
Low times...ecstatic moments....delightful chatter.. And a box of lovely memories...
Rest everything makes little sense...
We do not know much about each other as yet and nor do we need to know, given the fact that we love literature and that alone says a lot about who we are or where we wanna go.....
And hence the world of literature connects the minds and hearts to a world of fantasy and ambiguity where everything is made possible... And this is a blessing to know...
Feel blessed for this inexplicably sublime gift....
Overlooking the superficial surface realities and sanity of this material world...let's be thankful and deeply engrossed for this universe that we have created on our own wherein the galaxy needs no scientific laws to stand...only genial gestures and great dreams to bind the stars together in a realm of silence from where no one wants to return!
Maruj Ul Muntaha
Isnain Muzamil
Sania Muzamil
Areej Zaffar ;)
The art of procrastination... When we should be studying!

          —Sana Shah

INROADS OF PATRIARCHY

How often do we hear intellectuals, professionals, and so called ‘progressive minds’ saying that ONE LINE, to project how well they have imbibed the concept of gender equality and emancipation of women and wish to instill the same among the masses, thus apparently reflecting the take-off on the runway of progress and open-mindedness. That ONE LINE: respect a woman because she is a mother, daughter, sister, etc etc,
This ONE LINE ironically reflects the deeper inroads of patriarchy itself, defeating the very purpose which the line was intended to serve. Thus it exposes the nature of mediocrity our society still thrives in and the level of development and progress attained by the people who propound such ideas. Respecting a woman just because she is a mother, daughter….and all that, is not the mark of respect but in actuality it is a statement that reinforces the system of [patriarchy, thus confining the woman’s role to a mother, daughter, sister…etc and overlooking her own individuality; not considering her a human first, before anything else.
Do we ever come across the statement: respect a man as he is a father, brother, son etc etc. NO, because unfortunately a ‘man’ is a word enough to define a person’s individuality, and this is not just unfortunate but illogical and bizarre!
Does a woman not deserve equal respect for just being a human first? Before assigning other roles to her, is she not an individual complete in herself?
The system that reckons the woman as the epitome of sacrifices, thinking that she was born to endure all the sufferings (bardaasht karo; you must endure, bear it all) reflects the reduced individuality of a woman. She must endure? Why? Salman Rushdie’s words come to my mind, “What can’t be cured must be endured”. So have we accepted that we can’t cure the issue of gender disparities, have we already given up on the fight to attain gender equality, and now we do not have any option but to endure? And this is considered normal!
I remember attending an event in Jammu, where in a cultural program, the life stages of a woman was shown through dance performance. They showed the transition from baby to daughter to wife. Firstly the entire concept didn’t go down well with me, secondly in the show, as the girl’s student life was over and she graduated and we all clapped, but then the stage of marriage was shown, and we were shocked at the enthusiastic response from the crowd: they started hooting loudly and clapping even like mads, that even educated students clapped more at the marriage stage than they did at the graduation stage,  and as long as we carry such an approach and perception, nothing will change much- it made me realize how deep the inroads of patriarchy are and it acted as the indicator or litmus test of real education.
Nowadays, in Kashmir, I often hear about how a woman has doubled her own work by entering into various professions. Now how mediocre and idiotic is that! If men feel that a woman’s work has doubled due to her job, why don’t they exert to help her in the domestic chores, instead of discouraging her.
Lastly the individuality of a woman is further undermined by her own hands when she compresses her competetiveness; when in fact the case should be the opposite! Woman should strive to be more educated and competitive because they’ll be judged everywhere by stereotypes who keep on quoting from that abstract, intangible rule book “You are a girl, so you shouldn’t do this…, Behave, you are a girl” and one feels like asking-really? As if being a boy gives the boys a license to misbehave. It all sums down to one thing: evaluate both men and women on equal parameters based on logic- stop judging blindly, you are not God! A woman is no lesser human. These are the small things, but anything that sounds sexist- a casual joke or a statement of that nature, has to be done away with. Things are not so simple as they appear- the inroads of patriarchy are so deep that we do not even realize it at times, when we unconsciously swim down the other sea.
We need the world to realize that a woman is a human first and only then can the feminist wave gather further momentum- and is it not the idea of humanity as well: to have a world more humane!

—Sana Shah

FREEDOM OF DISSENT & DEBATE IN ACADEMIC INSTITUTIONS

From one lecture theatre to another, from one realm of subject to another: minutes pile up into hours as the economy of knowledge is regulated in the academic institutions but- unidirectionally! Confining the process of learning within the domain of a classroom wall is the worst any academic institution can do to limit the growth of the ‘Self’. Surprisingly not many endorse the growth of the ‘self’ to the highest level here. The world is suffering from a grave humanitarian crisis, and the need of the hour is not mechanized-robotic brains that have grossly reinforced the default system of easy acceptance to what is being taught and preached in the disguise of obedience and academic brilliance, presented quantitatively in the marksheet; but now the world demands more ‘thinking brains’ essentially; minds that have not submitted before the abstract customs, rather those that are still alive on the diet of logic and rationality; minds that are capable of evaluating the situations on their own, without being dictated what ought to be or how things should work. And all this can only be attained when the academic institutions provides its students with the space for dissent, debate and discussions and encourages independent thinking, no matter how informal the platform is. The thought process of students should not be maneuvered to fit the set of rules already established, rather the ‘thinking brains’ are inherently little rebellious and question the perfunctory beliefs. Students have to be taught that all which is prevalent around is not necessarily the right- the freedom to question is essentially the core value of any learning process. The majority is not always right. What better example than the dialectics of Socrates and its articulation by his student Plato, no matter what the restrictions were in place by the authorities- the philosophy that stood the test of times is evident now, and even in the 21st century where do we stand?
The reform movements in India,were mainly initiated and structured through the medium of academic institutions and also for generation of opinions. To have an opinion, wrong or right is a secondary issue, is the pre-requisite for the evaluation of the system, and to generate opinions is the task and duty of our academic institutions; how well they do it, I can’t say! And ironically crushing of opinions seems to be the new normal of academic institutions, these days.
Fetching degrees alone is not enough to determine the standards of the ‘self’, until you have grown as a better person than who you were when you first entered the gates of your school or college, etc.
Only in the atmosphere where conflicting views are allowed to co-exist and given the platform to assert and prove their points, only there can one explore the ultimate truth and this should be the purpose of academic institutions. As JS Mill recognized: behind a liberal government must be a liberal society. And therefore intellectual freedom should be the extension of social democracy which essentially becomes urgent with the extension of political democracy. Also not to forget, the role of the teacher in immense for this- a good teacher has to show the students where to look but not what to see.
And as Socrates, the great teacher, has said “I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think”-this has to be the purpose of our academic institutions; not inheriting the monotony of facts but to inculcate rationality and reason: to make the students THINK!

—Sana Shah

MISFIT: Do you need help to fit in the system OR do you need to help to make the system fit?

The world is a small place, more so with the waves of globalization engulfing every corner, every part of the world we live in. In the midst of all the technological and material advancements, it is heart wrenching to find that material advancements do not guarantee a parallel intellectual progress. Just as you find the phenomenon of globalization as the new normal, something called anti-globalisation sentiment starts to surface, perhaps the anti-thesis! More so, with the fast changing world, it further hurts to see that the society at large is bragging about the change to which they are innately against! The resultant situation that confronts you is a strange blend of frustration, anger, despair- you concede to the premise of being abnormal or misfit or mad. How easily the world that actually lives in a self contrived pretence of normalcy, succeeds in convincing your out of the box temperament to be abnormal. And demands you to conform to their pre-determined, stereotypical, blindly set customs, beliefs, standards which of course for them is not just the Normal, but also the Right. You tend to feel alone and suffocated. For once the wrongs spotted by your progressive and liberal values, that had inspired you to take on the mammoth task of transforming or changing the world for the better, becomes blurred and nothing seems to go right. You tend to give up, when you face set backs, one after the other. You look at the sky and complain: “why me, why am I like this, why did You make me like this, what to do next?” It feels like the end of the world, at least for you.

The world we live in today, is going through a difficult and dangerous phase- CONFORMITY; you are ordained to conform, if you fail to do that-the punishment could be a lifer or isolation or exile or abduction or even death! But should that stop us from questioning the status quo? Who do you think have been the people who have changed the world- they were not normal, for they believed in change for the better- the world would have come to an end long before, if such people would have been Normal by the usual standards- to dare the entire system of functioning is not something that anybody can do but only those who think! The world we live in today is highly censored, and opinions no longer amaze, rather views pre-determined are enforced and imposed on people. It is like, if you are born in a particular set-up, then you have to salute that existing set-up because that’s the obvious thing to do, even if it’s the most backward of all set-ups ever established. We are all familiar with the politics of hate and harm that is raging like a wild fire, burning and annihilating everything coming in its way, and it is more dangerous now, because society is akin to the fuel of that fire instead of acting like the fire-extinguisher. I see the water rising above the danger mark and what will come next can’t be predicted and it shouldn’t be predicted! Globally there’s this Rightist Revivalist movement growing day by day, country to country. If a third world war is hard to forsee in the near future due to mutual deterrence, a second cold war but seems to be inevitable! Political socialization again has to conform to the rising cacophonies of those who govern. Fascist tendencies that first attack the intellectual spaces are now seen in rife, and more so it is made to look natural. If Antonio Gramsci’s thought of Hegemony is applied here for a better understanding: he said that the web of beliefs and social relations are projected as acceptable with hegemony as the characteristic of capitalist society where family, school, church and other primary groups play a leading role in creating consent, it keeps the system going- his structures of hegemony comply for a capitalist society, but arguably it also is playing out for any society or country, where you need the status quo to continue- people are being fooled, and they do not even realize that.

Apart from the political aspect, in our social relations, things do not seem calm as well. Those misfit, abnormal souls that find the wrongs, are hurt by it, want to help the people around, are impeded by the chain of thoughts the social institutions build around them to block their line of thoughts- they are subjected to doubts, questioned conditionally without any fault of theirs. It hurts- it does. The rage suppressed inside starts accumulating- and it is genuine; because this is the rage that has to be positively converted into the forces of change. No change occurs overnight, we realize this sooner or later when our idealistic whims are shattered like a house of glass- we are asked to be practical. At times people (normal ones) would lure the misfits to conform- you see such people doing good in their lives by turning blind on all the injustices around, you are tempted to follow the same and why not, you think. Then either we can start pretending as they do, or we return to our originality. And it gets even more painful when you feel that if you can see the wrong, why can’t others see that. The simple answer to that is they are blind or at least can’t take the intensity of progessvie light that is  the normal vision for you. People do things that are easy, they tempt you to do things that are easy because society rewards it; collective minds are not always adamant to achieve the best through the difficult ways and so it is. If you think differently, be prepared to be questioned, doubted, judged in different ways- people question new things, not the customary normal ones.

It is upto the abnormal people like us, who feel for every bad thing in the world- we want to own up the responsibility to change it and legends have been doing it over and again. Not that we are the saviours and that we necessarily have to change each and everything overnight and bring in a tide of revolution- but we can create conditions for that, taking small steps, enfolding minds close to you in your island of efforts. And to do that you have to be the humanist first!
And those normal people out there who consider it easy to conform to the usual standards- thank God everyday, for the normal test reports; you cannot do much!

   —Sana Shah

Relevance of JS Mill's Thought on Liberty in contemporary world

In a democratic set-up, those chiefly cherishing the high ideals and ethos of democracy should never undermine the fact that they too are vulnerable to the loopholes and flaws of democracy.  In this regard JS Mill, a British philosopher and economist, has made a significant contribution. As has been aptly observed by George H Sabine in the analysis of Mill’s ideas on liberty, the questions on democracy and threat to liberty, have to be understood in the pretext of not just to state but to society in the broader perspective. The current debate on ‘intolerance’ and ‘infringement of intellectual freedom’ can be better understood in the light of Mill’s essays which still hold relevance in the changing times to a great extent. As put by Sabine:
“The threat to liberty which Mill chiefly feared was not government but a majority that is intolerant of the unconventional, that looks with suspicion on divergent minorities, and is willing to use the weight of numbers to repress and regiment them” Mill had recognized that behind a liberal government there must be a liberal society.
In progressive societies the room of discussions and debates should always be open to people and they should be provided with a platform where the “self” is allowed to develop and grow to its fullest. Because in an atmosphere where conflicting views are allowed to coexist and given a stage to prove their points following the method of dialectics, only there can one explore and empathize with what is right and what stands to be the ultimate truth. But instead the trend in our set-up has been the use of coercive means, suppressing the conflicting ideas if they don’t suit or fit our personal needs. The recent issues like that one, of detaining the students of JNU without any procedural investigations can be seen as another weapon for curbing the intellectual legacies of such institutions that uphold and cherish the democratic tradition of debates and discussions. Extending political forces to academic institutions is not acceptable to any democratic set-up by any means, especially when the powers of state are misused for assaulting the sphere of intellectual freedom wherein rational and critical thinking is propounded. When the state directly or indirectly interferes in the sphere of intellectual freedom, it robs the society of the advantages it might have had from free discussions and criticism of the opinions. JS Mill has over and again defined the role of state in securing the liberty of the individual and by no means has empowered the political institutions with the right to curb the individual’s right to free thinking.  Otherwise the apprehensions, in words of Voltaire “It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong” will come true. Also extending the state’s responsibility in securing the dignity of individuals, the state is not empowered to silence any voice by leveling baseless charges against people without any legal backing as prescribed by law. The abstract charges of sedition against students as in JNU delineates that the institutional legacy of such prestigious institutions of producing great statesmen, leaders, diplomats who have stood for the country’s sovereignty and integrity appears to have been undermined in the growing sense of intolerance in the nation.
Only in societies where in free-thinking and discussions are used for tolerance against rising discords, can rational minds develop who are capable of analyzing facts and then deciding what to accept and what to refute. If any opinion is not worth having, then don’t listen or prove it wrong but it cannot be banned without proper scrutiny. And EB Hall has aptly said “I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Further as JS Mill in his essay On Liberty has remarked, “If all mankind minus were of one opinion, and one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.”
Hence it must be reckoned that the abstract extension of democracy in social sphere eventually leads to the tyranny of masses, hence the need for intellectual freedom becomes more urgent with the extension of democracy.

— Sana Shah

WAVING BACK- The day of parting with my teacher : Afterword

‘And the air was full of Thoughts & Things to Say. But at times like these, only the Small Things are ever said.
Big Things lurk unsaid inside’
                 —Arundhati Roy;(GOD OF SMALL THINGS)

       —* —* —* —* —*—*

And those hands...
Kept waving at me-
I waved back, kept waving back,
I wave back, till the memory is
But a distant point in
The Rearview mirror of my life;

A world has left me behind.
I'll have to drive through the
Learning curve, without a map
On my own (My rearview mirror!)
Multiplying the convexities-
Rain drops wash off the memory:
Tears wiping tears!
(The Sky wept with us)

And the melodies echoed...
Across the vales,
The amateur voices resounding
In the mountains, with the
Plethora of heavy emotions
Till it is compressed and fades
Into the lyrics of a known song
The tune...the pauses...
the claps...the rain...
In unison- the pain...
The claps empty,
Losing track of the tune-
Wordless:
You signalled us to STOP
Without words; the journey.
The final moments at the temporary station- halt!
Only the small things ever said,
Big things lurk inside, unsaid

IT'S A MATTER OF TIME; it's going to be okay.
Nearing moments of separation;
Countless words of consolation
Hearts ruffled in agitation
I see all going in vain-
IT WAS NEVER A MATTER OF TIME,
I want to tell them-
IT'S A MATTER OF DISTANCE:
From Mile to mile, from moment to moment,
If only they could experience the same;

And the gate was flung open-
The car zoomed past the storehouse of memories, lit with candles of hope
Into the realm of infinite questions and Bewildered senses (Today the dictionary has fallen silent, wordless!)
Minds confused, eyes moist.

And I find eyes reading my eyes,
Filled with water to the brim
I breathe, heaving a sigh -
A heavy- heavy sigh, a heavy heart
Choked voice, silent prayers-
“I shouldn't weep, I won't" , I tell myself helplessly.
(Let's pretend to be strong for one last time;
Let's fake a smile for one more time)
As I turn and watch
An era disappearing...

And the hands evanescing-
Slowly fading away from my sight.
I want to look back,
“I won't cry but" , I murmur to myself again
Waving... Return the wave, one more time
As the sky betrays me with the tears
(You shouldn't cry)
And, anymore I can't contain
Walking down the memories' lane

And I —
Am already sobbing again!

                 —Sana Shah

SINCERE TRIBUTE- To Bhawana Ma'am- one of the best teachers I ever had

“Yaad-e-ayaam e salf se dil   ko tadpaata hu mai
Behr taskee'n teri janib dauddh aata hu mai"

I make the heart restless from the olden Day's memory
For satisfaction I come ardently running towards you
                      —IQBAL (Lament of separation; in memory of  his teacher, Sir T.Arnold- on parting with him)

When I first read about the bonding between Allama Iqbal and his teacher, Sir Thomas Arnold and how he moulded and influenced Iqbal's mannerisms and ideologies and how on the day of parting Iqbal wrote the poem LAMENT OF SEPARATION for his teacher, Sir T.Arnold, I didn't quite understand what could make any student to write a poem for a teacher and credit him to such an extent; nor could I discern the state of mind or the plethora of mixed emotions that Iqbal would have gone through- But today as I sit restlessly, wide awake around four in the morning, counting on the hours left when my teacher, rather the only teacher I've had in the real sense, would leave us all behind and it's a matter of pity to find myself in such a helpless predicament.

I wasn't expecting such a sudden parting...well, that's life, another name for the unpredictable! I didn't know how to explain what all I was going through- the mere thought of entering the college and she won't be around- leaves tingles running down my spine- From the very first lecture to the very last, it has been such an amazing journey- Bhawana Ma'am- not an ordinary name, rather a legendary legacy( I don't believe in flattery or buttering, ma'am- so please don't even think) Inside the classroom or outside under the sky, what did we not discuss...interactions went on for hours, such fruitful talks that elevated us to a new plane, a new horizon, a new world, all over, the one we had not experienced before... A new door to every house of subject; from sensitive issues like patriarchy to controversial political debates- here was where I found the realm of discussion, dissent, approval and much more. 

When fingers were pointed towards me, I ran to her; when I was confused, I ran to her; when I needed ideas, I ran to her; when something terrible happened, I ran to her, when others wanted suggestions, I ran to her; I have only been running these years as she would have pointed out.But ma'am ab kiske pass jau? Ye tou bataya hi nahi aapne...ab kiske pass bhaagu? Questions unanswered and answers unquestioned!

I will definitely fall short of words in expressing myself and I might just end up crying again :( In fact when we had to order the cake for her farewell, we couldn't decide what to write on it- best wishes, thanks, good luck...then we thought let's write Thanks for everything, but even this everything turned out to be nothing when weighed against all that she had taught us- so we came up with this - Thank you for......

The dot dot dot..implied what couldn't not be listed or weighed or counted- without limits, endless, abysmal as we can't tell where her influence ends or where our decisions won't be governed by her lessons...may be never! But yes those dot dot dot had another implication also- drops of tears...falling and falling- you made us cry publicly, which we never could, so thanks for that as well. Anyway

But yes,the personality, the aura, the confidence, the style, the instant repartee, the blunt sense of humor- yes she taught me that nobody is gonna believe in you until you believe in yourself; developing a sense of self- realization, knowing what your purpose is, what you want and then going after it with all the zeal and enthusiasm. It's from her I learnt that luck, fate are not so abstract as they have been made to appear- it's not a single linearly defined line on which you are computerized to walk, no, rather it's a set of options you make and receive accordingly; those who ask will receive, those who work will be rewarded, provided you realize what you're capable of.

Further do not settle for less when you deserve more- keep expectations, be clever, enjoy life and start living- always remember ‘Life mai koi bhi baat utni badi nahi hoti- ye koi utni badi baat nahi hai'.

Never did she ever say- ‘Tum se nahi hoga ye'  but she was always like: you can do anything.

A box of ready solutions and pointing the could-be errors where there were none! Directly or indirectly I have always conveyed her core message to people around me in one or the other way and of course it helped them too. I fail to understand why could I not say this to her before, face to face...perhaps I was too immersed in the blend of emotions confounding me and still am.

It is from her, I learnt to analyse things with objectivity and logic- Ma'am emotions ka logic tou bataya hi nahi aapne, at least prepare to karna tha humai ki beta aisa bhi hosakta hai.

But on a serious note- people, learn to use reason and logic, especially in matters for which the most quoted rule-book which doesn't actually exist in any tangible form is read out to you by stupid people. Never worry about anything as long as you've done the right thing. Do not pay heed to what others say or how badly they criticise or decide for you because they're not in your shoes and they can't weigh the opportunities for you, when they failed to do the same for themselves- as she would always say ‘Un Sab ne tumhari zindagi nahi jeeni hai, tumne jeeni hai!'

On matters discussed about patriarchy- well here's the take: it doesn't matter if you are a man or woman as long as you consider yourself a human first. Changes do not evolve overnight and anarchy is not an option. But that never means you could allow the tools of oppression to subjugate your individuality in the name of compromise; nor should you pick up the weapon of oppression to oppress others in any way. If we talk about women empowerment, never confuse gender equality with empowerment and stand for what is right, even if it means standing alone. And yes, it's not a matter of shame if men cry, they too are humans- so go on...cry your heart out- talk and not shout, explore options that prevent any harm to those you deal with and of course for yourself as well.And for girls, stop pitying yourself for being girls,you are equal and inferior to none. Stand up for yourself, work smart, become more competent and prove yourself to your own self as well as to the world, you ought to be more competent in all aspects because you will be judged everywhere, every time by the stereotypical heads- hold on and stay strong. Parents teach your sons to respect women as humans, do not teach them the illogical traditionality. For those who prompt like ‘This is not the way,...Aap Ladki ho...' - well, what a news, as if we didn't know, still out of humility thanks for acknowledging!

If you are different and not like others in matter of ideologies and do not follow the masses blindly, then worry not- you are not abnormal- you're a person who can think with a human brain and not a robotic chip computerized to act in that or this way, even if the way is no-way!

Ah, how I wish I could gather more of that ‘gyaan' . let's not be language-puritanical, so I am not bound by language barriers unless I am successful in communicating to you. And nor will I want to impose academic colonialism by sounding technical or using jargons not known to us.Right ma'am?

Talking about our dialogues on Politics- we just talked common sense: connect to the masses and administer in a just way, nothing in extremes and think  for yourself- never be fooled by bumper options but verify on your own.And things change slowly, it takes time but the system would change for the better.

Do what you like, opt for that which you feel fits your aptitude. Science and humanities/arts are equally important and complementary- it's not like science is ‘Sense' and Arts is ‘Non sense'

And for teachers, well she has shown that respect is to be earned and not demanded, be that teacher who deserves to be respected and I assure you, we students love great teachers and we are not selfish to keep the doors of respect in our hearts shut. If you deserve it, you'll eventually get it from us in abundance- an ocean of respect and love.

And so it is for all people in general, be someone who will always be remembered for being kind, genuine, honest and the world will respect you naturally and you will be missed till long after you leave. Give respect, get respect, rise above the mediocre mentality that penetrates the narrow lane of petty quarrels and vain arguments- peace!

Ah what else? Lots...I could go on and on , who knows I might just write a book on her lectures, but for now that's the precise summary and crux of all we discussed. 

I might further update it if more comes to my mind because all I've been doing these days, is dwelling on what I have learnt from her.

And yes make sure you grow intellectually everyday, rise above mediocrity and mundane stuff you see around- if you do that, there will be few others like you- two friends having the same mental equation- great...more than that-well: soney pe suhaaga!!!

In fact, jaate jaate bhi vo mujhe bohat kuch sikhagayei...while leaving also she subconsciously imparted some essential lessons to us- like life is unpredictable, you never know for how long are people destined to be with you, which kind of people shall meet you on your way(not the ones you want but the ones you need) and when and where;and thus make use of every opportunity to expand the economy of knowledge and do express yourself, enjoy your time with all the good people in your life because they are a blessing and never take them for granted as you never know when you will have to part ways with them. Secondly, if your falling weak makes the other person weak as well then try to control your emotions for the betterment of the other person who is already vulnerable until they reach that level of strength. And the other person should respect that strength shown by you and do justice to it by achieving that level of excellence and strength. Thirdly, everything has a purpose and nothing happens without a reason- if you are confused, just breathe and move on because in the end the big picture will make sense, completely astonishing you for the better, so have faith- remember always: koi bhi baat itni badi nahi hoti.

So all I could do for now on my part was to connect with that blend of emotions Iqbal had to go through while parting with his teacher, but the best part was in few years he went on and joined his teacher in his country for further studies- ammmm...who knows..if not for further studies, then for some other thing I might be around the same place, let's be hopeful and with that hope, here's the poem I had written for her on the day of parting; when even the sky cried with me;it's like the world crumbled on me instantly, given that the river of positivity has changed its course- a void no one can fill, a space that consumes me:

I wish I already knew

It would be an abrupt adieu

You...to your home and I?
Is home only a place I ask;
Or that feeling- that moment
Of assurance ‘you are safe,secure'
I wish I had never known
I wish I already knew

‘All that happens, happens for
The good'- ha, my consolation prize
Everybody awards me now;
I need to be consoled,
Am I such a hopeless case
So miserable and you-
You sprinkle smiles over
To make me cry more
And more and more...

The teacher always wins-
That's just the way of things!
After each precursor to hope
The screen always went BLANK
That's just the way of things!
I wish I had never known
I wish I....

They deliberately advanced languages
So that not all could be expressed
Or explained or condensed in WORDS:
PAIN, MEMORIES, GRATITUDE, LOVE-
Dwell beyond words, transcend languages
I wish I already knew
I wish I had never known

“Aagaya aaj uss sadaaqat ka mere dil ko yaqeen
Zulmat-e-shab se zeeya-e-roz o furqat kam nahi” ★

How well now I know
That ‘Lament of separation'
When Iqbal parted with his teacher-
His words, now my story:
“Today my heart is convinced of
This truth-
The light of Separation's day
Is darker than night...★
Gone is that zeal for walking
In the vast expanse of learning!
In my intellect also, you were
The inspirer of love of learning"
I wish I had never known
Oh, how I wish....

And now I cherish the illusion,
My mind contrived to delude my heart:
That we too shall meet soon, and
There's always a NEXT TIME-
A second Chance:
I wish I already knew
I wish I had never known

So Farewell is all we shall be singing
I know, Nobody stays forever,
But the way you shall be leaving
Nobody leaves in that way ever.

So I'd have devised a language then,
Other than that of TEARS to explain
That how my words failed me today,

Until we meet again...

                         —SANA SHAH

‘So I'll regret it. But lead my heart to pain.
Return, if it is just to leave me again.'
                       —Agha Shahid ali